The flavour of Amsterdam: the hard truth of a missing human connection
All that glitters ain’t gold! An honest opinion from an expat about obstacles in creating deeper friendships in the Dutch capital.
How your expectations will ultimately delude you
Moving to one of the craziest capitals of the world must feel good. A lot of expectations, clear advantages like a higher salary, amazing parties, international crowd and that sense you have it all in one spot. Sure, after the first months of novelty and excitement, you start to realise that people around you are not really your friends.
Who is a friend for you? For me, a friend is that reliable being, with whom no matter the occasional opinion dissimilarity, I feel great around. The conversations are smooth, sometimes endless, and most importantly we are genuine to each other. No pushing small talk. Just a bare, authentic connection. This is how I used to understand friendship.
So how are these people in Amsterdam?
People of Amsterdam are like Skittles: of psychedelic colours and different flavours. They can smile at you, reject you, not even look at your direction or worship you. You are surrounded by such a plenitude of personalities, that you realise to be too simple for the place. “What can I offer, how can I impress”, you’ll wonder. Many are fashionable and mysterious. A few are uncomplicated and plain. Here you’re like in the airport — you hear all world languages in constant emission.
What does the city look like? Superficial, glittering, beckoning. And its heart? Lonely, in the crowd wrapped in various beliefs.
I started to wonder, maybe making friends in your mid twenties it’s just super hard? Partly it is. Moreover, let’s not forget that people you meet have already established their connections either because they are Dutch or expats with years of life experience there. They also suffered loneliness at one point, I believe it.
In any case, don’t get me wrong: you meet truly amazing people, you are invited to cool parties, you can go to awesome events, clubs or chic restaurants, as all these things are at your reach. But you have to adapt to the reality of this city — no one really cares heartily about you (except for your loved one, I hope).
Adapt or wait for a miracle?
What am I even doing in Amsterdam after this revelation? There are a few reasons people stick around:
- you fell in love;
- you have a wonderful highly-paid job;
- you haven’t lost the hope that things will change yet.
I am in the first and last points club. It takes time for others to see your splendour. Or maybe they will never notice it.
For as casual as the relationships can get here, the city’s glare will inspire your creativity. It works for me. I won’t be tired of suggesting to everyone I know to come to Amsterdam for a couple of years to feel it on your own skin.
To wrap it up, when looking at the map, envisioning a paradise spot, don’t forget that you are a human who needs to genuinely be heard, seen and able to express yourself with someone else on this planet. Ah, and no expectations.
